


Let There Be Love

by alkeadora



Category: Oasis (Band)
Genre: Brother Feels, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-04-06 09:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19059781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alkeadora/pseuds/alkeadora
Summary: Liam Gallagher was found passed out in a cheap flat for nearly 3 days straight after consuming numerous tablets of pills and drugs. The police announced that that was an attempt to commit suicide.





	1. I'm Outta Time

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to have a short disclaimer: this story is 100% fictional based on my imagination and has nothing to do with the real Liam and Noel Gallagher. they're doing great and I love them.  
> also, please note that the story takes place in London, 2020.

The heavy rain outside didn’t seem to stop anytime soon, followed by thunders breaking the dark sky. The reflection of grey clouds was seen on the windows, making some phantom faces on the surface. The smell of alcohol, medicine, and perfume was mixed with the heater in the waiting room, very typical of a hospital. Two boys sitting on the couch looked blank, seeing nothing through the bed in the room.

“You two don’t want to eat? Don’t skip dinner,” a man in his late 50s offered two boxes of food.

“No, Uncle, I’m fine, I’ll eat later,” the older boy who was known as Lennon Gallagher replied in his deep voice, not even looking up.

“Gene?” the man turned his head to the younger looking one.

The one called Gene shook his head.

“Okay, I’ll put this in the fridge if you guys change your mind,” the man they called Uncle Paul stopped his track, “hey, kids, everything will be fine, okay? He’ll be with us again tomorrow,” he formed a reassuring smile, ruffling his nephews’ hair before going to the fridge with a long sigh.

If he had to be completely honest he wasn’t sure about what he just said to the two sons of his youngest brother. How could he be sure when all the things just happened that quick that day? He was doing a wedding photoshoot this morning before receiving a call from the police regarding Liam’s condition, to which was sent to the hospital. It shocked the hell out of him because Liam had been leaving the house for three days, saying that he had an appointment with his old friends in Manchester.

“We found many drugs like antidepressants,” the Irish police officer told him that evening before the heavy rain fell. “How long has he been missing?”

“Three days,” Paul answered, his wrinkly eyes looked very sad.

The police officer nodded, “the janitor broke the door open because it had been days since the last time he cleaned the room. And when noticing that the person inside never left the room, he used another key to open the door. Mr. Gallagher already lied on the floor, unconscious, with these drugs,” the police officer took a bag of pills out of his pocket.

The news was nothing but a storm in the afternoon. Paul quickly contacted his nephews, Lennon and Gene, his niece, Molly, Liam’s girlfriend, Debbie, and their mother, Peggy. The two brothers arrived in the evening since they were still in London. Molly was with her mother and would be here in the next day, so would Debbie and Peggy.

Lennon lied his back against the couch, his eyes still glued to the person on the bed. There were many medical machines attached to his body to keep him alive. The stats on his heartbeat still showed a slow motion. He was still alive, still breathing, but wasn’t in a good condition at all.

It didn’t make any sense for Lennon to proceed what the hell was going on. He hadn’t seen his father for nearly a week, all he could recall was how his father hugged him when he was in his room whilst whispering into his ear, “going out for a week, geezer. Take care.” He wasn’t really paying attention to that time since he was playing a video game. It was never on his mind that this what actually happened.

Gene got up, heading to the fridge to take out a bottle of water then gulping it. Unlike Lennon, Gene was eating breakfast with Liam watching the television the last time they were sitting together.

“This is shit,” Liam changed the channel when the screen showed the preview of yesterday match when Liverpool defeated Manchester City.

“You going today, ‘ol man?” Gene scooped his cereal.

“Yeah, busy week,” Liam got off the seat. “Don’t get wasted, kid, your brother will stay,” he ruffled his son’s hair before leaving him.

“Mhm, take care, Pop.”

And then he left, just like that. Gene would never have a thought of it being the last moment he shared with his father. It was just like one of his mornings, nothing special. He would curse himself if that ever happened.

“Do you want me to play Wonderwall?” Gene, out of sudden, broke the silence. He didn’t like drowning in this tragically sad atmosphere.

“No, it’s fine,” and Lennon didn’t show any interests.

“Uncle Paul is right,” Gene continued. “He’ll be with us again tomorrow. Molly, Debbie, and Nan will be here too.”

Lennon only nodded, trying to convince himself.

“He’s a fucking RnR star, he’s gonna make it.”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

* * *

 


	2. Acquiesce

Nine am in the morning, the whole family members had been gathering. It wasn’t new for them to have such moments but this time was not the same at all. No smiles were shown. Not only that there was no good sign of Liam waking up but also because the news about the Rockstar attempting to commit suicide leaked on public and now there were reporters and journalists outside wanted to break down the door to seek for more information. Paul had to call the police to keep the situation steady outside and inside the hospital.

“The doctor said that because he consumed overdosed drugs in three days, it affected his consciousness. He’s still conscious, he hears us, but for whatever reason, he chose not to wake up. It’s like he controls his consciousness under his unconsciousness. The medicine didn’t give his body a reaction because that’s what it wants, he wants to stay sleeping, just like what he planned, stay sleeping until the end,” Paul explained what the doctor said the night before.

None of them looked happy about that. They only sighed.

“So how do we wake him up? He still hears us, doesn’t he?” Molly asked. “It’s not like he’s damaging his brain, right?”

“Yes, he still hears us,” Paul nodded. “We can build courage on him by telling him some motivational words to stay alive.”

“You tried that, Uncle?” asked Lennon.

“I haven’t. But whilst we’re still here, why don’t we give each other try once?”

“That sounds good,” Gene commented. “Should I start? I think I know some good shit.”

“Okay, Gene, go on.”

Gene walked to the bed, grabbing a chair to take a seat. He observed the surrounding machines. “Will one of these machines beep or something if Dad reacts?”

“Oh, yes,” Paul walked closer to him. “If he reacts under his unconsciousness, there would be tiny green light flashing on this,” he pointed to the monitor screen.

“Whoa, okay,” Gene nodded. “This is like a real-life Insidious, only that there’s no demon involved.”

Paul chuckled a little in appreciation on how his nephew still tried to brighten up the dead depressing atmosphere with his cheeky side.

“Hey, Pop. I’m not sure what’s going on inside your mind right now, maybe wars happen like boom boom phew,” Gene imitated the shotgun sound. “It happened before, right? But I know you can fight this. Remember when you stand in front of a mirror and remember that you’re more than John fucking Lennon,” he whispered the name quietly.

There was a silence, Gene was waiting for the machine to beep or something but it didn’t.

“Uh, I think John Lennon isn’t what he wants right now,” Lennon concluded. “Well, that’s scary.”

“Maybe we can try something else,” Molly added. “Instead of giving motivational words, what about giving emotional support?”

“And how do we do that?” Debbie who was left in silence finally asked.

“Let me try, it was very emotional when I first met him, I think I can pour them into words,” Molly walked closer to the bed, Gene quickly got off the seat for his sister. Molly took a seat after whispering a short “thank you.”

“Hey, Liam,” she started. “I’m honestly still not used to calling you Dad even though this has been two years. I remember two years ago, I was still twentyish, I accused you on Twitter saying that you didn’t do a good job as a father. And then I arrived in one of your gigs and you welcomed me and here I am today.”

The dark-haired girl tried to blink the tears away before continuing, “I had never had, in my life, a figure of a father who protected me or sent me to bed with stories. I only had my mother whom I felt grateful for. But when I’m here, it feels different. I felt very special, with my two half-brothers, I don’t feel alone anymore. You’ve said a lot to me, even in one of the songs you wrote, that you felt very lucky for having me in your life again but the truth is I’m the lucky one to be here. Thank you for welcoming me in your life and for being a great father even though it has only been two years.”

The room was filled with deep emotional atmosphere now. None of the people in the room said any more words, they were thinking that maybe this was what Molly’s deepest heart wanted to say.

Molly’s tears streamed down and she quickly wiped them away, “ah, fuck.”

Following the daughter’s tears, there was a tiny river flowing from the corner of Liam’s eye. Molly’s eyes widened in disbelief, her jaw dropped a little.

“Guys!” she squealed, gasping. “He’s reacting, he’s crying.”

The others rushed to the bed a second after the green light flashed twice.

“Molly darling, keep going,” Peggy told her.

Molly grabbed her father’s hand and brought it to her cheek. “Hey, Dad, I know you hear us, I know you hear me. Please hear me and please know that I love you, we all love you. We want you here. Please wake up, have the courage and wake up, please. I had been suffering not knowing about my father for twenty years and when I finally met him, I don’t want this to stop this fast. I want to spend more time with my father, please.”

The green light kept flashing and Liam’s tears kept falling, his chest went up and down rapidly as if he was doing a marathon. The rest were praying so that miracle happened and woke this man. It lasted for a solid one minute before the light stopped flashing and everything turned back to normal.

“What? But I think that was very close,” Molly frowned in disappointed.

“Whoa, this is much harder than I thought this would be,” Gene commented. “So what do we do now?”

“If he reacts more to something emotional, I think Mam or Debbie could do,” Paul said.

“It feels like he’s only a second behind to wake up, man,” Lennon’s head followed Peggy and Debbie who went forward.

The next hours were nothing but all the family members’ attempts to rebuild the sweet moments they had with Liam. But for almost eight hours of trying, none of them worked. The farthest they could do was making Liam breathed fast as if he was suffocated. But a pair of his eyes remained closed.

Now it was only Lennon, Gene, Paul, and Peggy in the room after the dinner they had. Gene was strumming his guitar while Lennon was busy with his phone. Paul was making a cup of tea for his mother.

“What if we call Noel?” Peggy Gallagher broke the silence, making the three guys in the room stop whatever they were doing.

“That won’t work,” Lennon replied, getting his attention back to his phone screen.

Gene nodded in agreement before playing a G note.

Paul who was showing a little interest brought the cup on the table, sitting next to his mother. “What’s the plan?”

“No, are you serious?” Lennon looked up with raised eyebrows. “He doesn’t even want to stay one mile close to the ‘ol man.”

“We’ve got to try,” Peggy took the cup of the table and sipped the hot tea. “Even though I’m fine if they wanted it this way, I know they still look after each other.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I’m with Lennon.”

“I’m sorry to say, boys, I think we could try this,” Paul said, grabbing his phone on the table.

“Oh, come on,” Lennon scoffed. “Didn’t Noel say that he would never ever want to get involved with whatever happens with Dad?”

“Well, that’s what Noel said publicly, not personally,” Paul got off and headed to the way out. “If this helps, we could give a try.”

“Where are you going?” Lennon followed him leaving the room. “You’re not calling, are you?”

“I sure am,” Paul placed his phone on his ear after dialling a number.

“No way,” Lennon grabbed his phone and declined. Paul looked annoyed. “He’s not going to help us. He can’t help us. If anything that Noel could do, he would only end up hurting Liam.”

“First of all, Lennon,” Paul grabbed his phone back. “Liam, Noel, and I were sharing youths together. We knew and needed each other. I understand how things finally ended this way but I saw how they grew up together, how they formed the band and went through the years together. There still might be chances for them to make things up.”

“ _Might_ be,” Lennon repeated.

“We’ve got to try,” Paul placed his hands on the nephew’s shoulders. “Listen, Lennon. I still talk to Noel several times. I want you to trust me this time, for your father’s sake. I can’t guarantee if he’ll be much of help but we won’t know if we don’t try. Please put this on me and Mam and you’ll stay in the room with Gene, okay?”

Lennon sighed before nodding a little. “But promise me one thing, will ya, Uncle?”

“What is it?”

“Don’t let Noel hurt him, he’s been through a lot.”

Paul smiled and patted the younger man’s shoulder. “I promise.”

With that, Lennon got back to the room where Gene was still randomly strumming the guitar. Paul took his mother out and continued the plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHOCKWAVE IS OUT ON SPOTIFY !!!


	3. Stand By Me

The sun outside shone brightly, giving life to the living creatures on the earth. Being contrast with the current weather, a man in denim outer walked down the airport atrium, finding the way out. The dark-squared glasses stayed on the bridge of his nose as if covering his pair of blue eyes. He put his boarding pass in his pocket while cutting down the crowd in the hall.

Getting himself a cab after leaving the airport, he told the driver the address he meant to go. He let out a sigh while seeing outside through the windows, realizing that he wasn’t supposed to be here in London. In fact, he wasn’t supposed to be in England for ten days. If only the night before he didn’t receive any goddamn call, he would have still been sleeping or writing songs in the studio or having breakfast with the beautiful view from the top of one of the hotels in Rome.

He lied his back against the seat, recalling what the last thing he did before his crazy mind decided to buy an extremely pricey ticket to London.

He was half asleep, lying on the bed when his phone rang loudly. It was a long tiring day and all he needed was a good enough sleep.

“Fuck,” he planned on blocking whoever number that popped on the screen which turned out to be his older brother’s number. “Hmm?”

He answered the call hesitantly, for whatever reason, he knew that this older brother of his was close to another brother he didn’t want to picture the face on his mind. “Yes?”

 _“Hello, Noel?”_ the male voice on the line sounded rather sad and short.

“Yes, Paul, ‘ssup?” Noel tried to get up a little, using his elbow for support. “I’m already sleeping so this better be brilliant.”

_“Oh, I’m sorry for waking you up, this actually ain’t really good news. Wait, where are you now?”_

“Rome.”

_“Ah, must have been a long day for you. Listen, Noel, I’m with Mam right now.”_

“Yeah, and–?”

_“Have you heard the news?”_

“About what?” Noel’s eyebrows were knitted in confusion. The last time he talked to Paul was a month ago, he barely knew anything to catch up, especially if it came to a family thing.

_“About Liam.”_

There was a silence, Noel kind of noticed where this conversation would go. “What about him?”

 _“He was sent to the hospital,”_ another short silence. _“It may sound crazy but he– was trying to take his own life.”_

“What?” there was nothing more ridiculous for Noel to hear if he had to be honest. Liam fucking Gallagher did that? What on the earth happened that Liam the most confident man alive had thought of committing suicide? Noel started to think whether either Liam or Paul went crazy, or maybe he did.

_“Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. He hasn’t woken up yet though. Would you please come here to help him?”_

“I– what? Paul, this is past midnight I’m not sure you’re in your mind right now,” Noel was about to end the call. “And I’m not anywhere near England at this time.”

 _“Please help him, Son,”_ the soft voice stopped him. _“I know this is so hard. I appreciate if you two decided to stay separated but please help him this time. Only this time.”_

“Mam,” Noel hummed.

He fucking missed his mother and he couldn’t even remember when the last time he hugged her for real. He always blamed Liam for keeping their mother for his own. There were several times Noel would like to meet her but Liam would always stop him. After the two decided to change each other’s title from brothers to enemies, everything that used to be shared together suddenly was divided. Noel took over all the songs from Oasis and Liam got the family things, there was no official deal about this actually. It just went like that.

And now hearing his mother’s voice through the line made Noel suddenly very emotional.

_“Please, Noel. Just for one day.”_

“I– I will try my best,” and he didn’t have any heart to say no. “I hope I can get a ticket by tomorrow.”

_“You’re one blessed son, Noel.”_

That soothed Noel’s heart a little. “I love you, Mam.”

_“I love you too, Noel.”_

_“St. Bartholomew, I’ll send you the room number by message. Thank you so much, Noel, have a good night.”_ Paul’s voice was heard again.

_“Nighty night, Noel.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Noel Gallagher’s taxi stopped on the drop off at St. Bartholomew Hospital. There were crowds with cameras blocking the front door, unaware of the taxi arrival.

“Liam surely likes some attention, huh?” Noel whispered beneath his breath.

After paying the ride, he quickly jumped out of the car and rushed in, trying his best to avoid the cameras.

“Isn’t that Noel Gallagher?”

“That’s fucking Noel Gallagher! He’s got in.”

But it was too late, Noel made it entering the building and the crowds were stopped by the securities. He was sure that his presence was caught by seconds of flashing cameras but he didn’t care. All he thought of now was the room number where Liam was occupied, no, actually he cared more about his mother.

The elevator brought the songwriter to the seventh floor. Noel walked past the corridor to one room on the corner. He knocked the wooden door carefully after convincing himself that this was the room.

The door opened and a figure of his big brother showed up, shooting a welcoming smile.

“Good morning, Noel,” Paul hugged the smaller brother.

“What’s up, Paul?” Noel pulled his body away after patting his brother’s back. His eyes caught the sight of the room inside. He noticed there were three persons inside.

“Thank you for coming.”

Before Paul allowed him to come in, two boys who were nobody but Lennon and Gene walked fast past their two uncles without saying anything. Noel’s head followed them disappearing on the next turns. For a second it felt like he was seeing Liam but split into two young bodies, running away from him.

“Aren’t those Lennon and Gene? They’ve grown up becoming Liam, don’t they?” Noel turned his head to Paul which he got a nod as an answer.

“Please do come in,” Paul dragged Noel in and Noel quickly took his glasses off.

“Noel,” an old woman sitting on the couch got up, showing a sweet smile with opened arms.

“Mam,” Noel felt so emotional that he almost teared up, rushing to his mother to give a long hug. “How are you doing?”

“I’m good,” Peggy chuckled, caressing her kid’s hair. “What about you?”

“Excellent, Mam.”

“Lovely.”

Once they pulled away, Paul started, “so Liam needed help.”

He was too straightforward that Noel’s moment ended in a second. Noel’s expression changed into the stoned one realizing why he was invited here. He almost forgot about Liam’s presence who was lying on the bed. Noel took a glance over him, suddenly getting attacked by mixed feelings, hurtful, traumatic, hatred, and anger. Liam’s face was full of those and Noel completely forgot that at one point they were now reunited again as a small family from Manchester.

“So what’s the deal with him?” Noel crossed his arms over his chest.

“He still hears us, he can react to what we say, but he controls his mind not to wake up. His body wants to stay sleeping.”

“I heard he took too much of drugs,” Noel recalled what he read on the headline today. “S’that why?”

“Yeah,” Paul nodded. “Can you please help him?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Noel took timid steps closer to the bed. Now Liam’s whole body was seen clearer, making Noel quickly look away. He just couldn’t see his face too long, he got used to avoiding Liam’s pictures everywhere. “I’m the last person he wanted, why would he even wake up when seeing me?”

“Share the memories you have with him, the fun, the happy, everything,” Paul patted Noel’s shoulder. “Mam and I will be waiting outside so you won’t be feeling weird or anything.”

“Wait, you’re leaving?” Noel held his brother’s arm to stop him from moving. “do you trust me enough? Do you not think that I would choke him or strangle him to death?”

Paul’s eyebrows were knitted as if asking, “what the fuck?”

Noel scoffed reading that expression, “oh, come on, Liam must have had thrown worse jokes, right?”

“Tell the funny stories or anything he might like,” Paul went to Peggy, ignoring Noel’s attempt to joke. “I also have printed out the photos of you two, if you know the stories behind them and they’re funny, tell him about them,” Paul took a brown envelope on the table and handed it to Noel.

Noel chuckled with no humour. “You really did everything, didn’t you?” He took out the photos and yes, there were many of them, their childhood photos, their early years with the band, the photoshoots throughout the years and some silly selfies.

“Mam and I will be waiting outside, Noel,” Paul threw a smile, patting the younger’s shoulder again before turning around.

“Wait a minute,” Noel stopped them, grabbing Paul’s arm to stay a meter away from their mother. “Are you fucking serious now, Paul? Do you not get what I meant?” now his tone changed to the low but serious one.

“About what?”

“I am the most hated person in his life. You guys, the people who revolve around his world, couldn’t even wake him up, what do you expect from me? Do you wanna make him get worse?”

“It’s not all about whom he hated or whom he loved, but the memories that lived in his mind, some of them are shared with you. Those are what keep him alive, those are his strength. You have them too, those will rebuild his courage to stay alive,” Paul replied almost whispering. “Listen, Noel, he almost fucking killed himself. Ignore all the bad things about him that you know, now you’re fucking facing someone who was trying to commit suicide, and that person turns out to be your brother and you could fucking help him because he’s your blood and you two shared times together. Please help him this time. And once this is done whether it works or not, if you want, you can walk away from his life all the way you want. And if he wakes up, I’ll keep him with me and I’ll tell him not to fucking mess up with you on Twitter or wherever. You two will have your own lives in your own ways.”

That made Noel remained silent. He got the point of what Paul said, especially the reward in the end about Liam not touching him in any way.

After making sure that Noel didn’t protest, Paul turned around. “Good luck, Noellie.”

“You did a good job as the biggest brother for him but not for me,” Noel whispered in a low voice that Paul didn’t hear.

“Mam, if this works, you shall live with me for the rest of your life,” Noel half shouted when they were heading to the door. “If you want a private jet, I’ll buy you two. I have two swimming pools and I can give you a new one.”

They stopped for a while. Peggy turned her head with a soft laugh. “Of course, Noel. In fact, we all will live together again.” And the door closed.

“Fuck,” Noel whispered, remaining standing for a few seconds before taking a glance over the patient. “Well, fuck, why am I even here?”

Without making eye contact, Noel grabbed a chair next to the bed while collecting the photos Paul gave him. For a brief five seconds, he regretted flying from Italy to be sitting together in a goddamn large hospital room with a man he didn’t even say the name once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHOCKWAVE M/V IS OUT !!!


	4. Live Forever

“Okay, let’s fucking see,” Noel cleared his throat, seeing each photo in his hand. “I don’t remember we had these photos, where did Paul get them?” he stopped for a while, looking around the large room and still not wanting to look at the patient on the bed.

“I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t fucking keep up with anything anymore,” Noel inhaled. He was obviously nervous even though he knew the person he was talking to wasn’t seeing him. “And then Paul called and suddenly you’re lying here almost dying. And I had to fucking come here,” he chuckled a little.

In another room, Lennon, Gene, Molly, Paul, and Peggy were watching what Noel was doing through the monitor screen. And yes, it was all Lennon and Gene’s idea not to let Noel be alone with their father at the slightest second without them knowing. For them, Noel was still a dangerous person. And Paul was fine with that as long as the two didn’t try to blackmail Noel when he was there. They even put a small microphone on the headboard of the bed so everything what Noel said would be heard.

“I actually agree with him, what’s going on?” Gene commented. “Dad was completely fine before, just like a usual person. He bottled everything from us.”

Noel took a photo of their childhood moment when the three little boys sitting together, wearing sweaters, and looking bloody innocent.

“Winter, somewhere in 1976,” Noel whispered. “I remember we were gonna play with our friends. Paul was gonna hang out with his and I was with mine but Mam said we were looking good in our winter sweaters she knitted so she grabbed the big goddamn camera and took a photo of us, behind the house.” He stopped for a few seconds, chuckling, “I remember you were somewhere fucking four years old, got no friends yet so you fucking followed me around every single day.”

 _“No, Liam, I know you’re there. But you’re staying home today,”_ Noel stopped walking the small aisle, crossing his arms over his chest after noticing that Liam sneaked to follow him.

Liam walked out of the bush, fiddling his fingers in somewhat guilt. He was four and his only friends were his brothers, more like his one brother because he spent most of the time with Noel rather than with Paul. He also shared a room with him so Noel was like an angel, a role model, for little Liam.

 _“I wanted to play with you,”_ his small lips formed a frown.

 _“But we play every day,”_ Noel walked closer to him. _“You promised me last night if I read you a story before bed you would let me play with me friends today.”_

Liam didn’t remember he ever said that. After all, he was only four. _“I wanted to play Tag with you.”_

_“I don’t want to play Tag. I want to play football.”_

_“I want to play too.”_

_“You can’t play football, you’ll cry if you get hit.”_

Now Liam’s eyes got watery as if he was about to cry. Noel didn’t have any heart to see that.

_“Fine, you can watch. And if the ball goes in the wood, you’ll have to get it for us.”_

Liam nodded joyfully, taking his big brother’s hand tightly. _“Come on, Noel.”_

And they went to the small field near the wood. Noel’s friends were there, waiting for him. When he joined the team, Liam only sat on the edge of the field, didn’t even get the chance to play. And every time the ball rolled out of the field, he would be glad to catch it, it was a big job for him. For little Liam, spending time with his brother was the best thing for him. He hadn’t gone to school yet and all he could do was taking Noel to school and waiting for him the whole day to come back to play any games together. He would be that little pup who followed the bigger one around, even when Noel wanted to play with his friends. And Noel’s friends mostly were fine with that since Liam was also useful for a little thing such this.

They eventually went home because the weather got colder.

“You fucking followed me around everywhere,” Noel said in the end. “After we got home Mam told me to take shower because there was like mud all over my face and you still wanted to join me like what the fuck Liam?”

A short silence. Noel kind of wished that the patient he was talking to answered so he wouldn’t sound like an idiot talking to anybody.

“Anyway, also this photo,” he held up a black-and-white photo about some random gigs. The photo was too blurry to see. “I got a call from Mam and she said you were having a rehearsal. What’s the song title again?”

Noel stopped again to think harder.

“Ah, Take Me,” he snapped his fingers. “Take me when I’m young and true, was it me or was it you? Take me when I’m not so strong, why has it taken you so long?”

He ended up laughing. “Fuck, why did I still remember the song? That one was–” he stopped to arrange a word, “–rubbish. But good thing you sang quite well I mean I was impressed because you didn’t seem out of place even when it was the first time for you to sing, and to have a gig.”

Noel flipped the photo to find another black-and-white blurry photo. Now it was a photo of an aisle that seemed quite familiar for him. A back of someone was another object in the photo. And there was a bottle in the person’s hand.

“I don’t know when this was taken but this is the way home from the pub,” Noel’s eyebrows were knitted as if trying to dig more memories. It seemed like blurry photos didn’t matter to his memory. “Oh, this is when we walked home after the gig you had with The Rain. I wouldn’t say Oasis this time.”

 _“Come on fucking join with us, man,”_ a 19-year-old Liam Gallagher, wearing a Beatles white shirt and sunglasses, didn’t stop repeating the persuasive phrase to the man behind him.

Noel, carrying an old camera, only shook his head upon the offer. _“Look, I’m not a band person, I’ve never been in one and most importantly I’m not fucking interested.”_

Liam felt challenged by the answer. He let his free arm wrapped around his brother’s shoulder and pulled him. _“You’re a fucking songwriter, I know you stayed in your fucking room for hours to write great lyrics. Why the hell do you keep the gold when you can fucking show it off? Come on, play one of your songs. It would be fucking great, geezer.”_

Noel got himself busy with the camera. _“How great do you think it would be?”_

There was a spark of joy in Liam’s eyes. _“Fucking great, man. Look, I have the voice and the bandmates are good. You’re gonna be the fucking chief and the brain of the band, y’know I mean,”_ he handed the half-empty bottle to him. _“Here, take a drink.”_

Noel took a big gulp of the cold beer. _“Okay, let’s give a goddamn try so you could shut your fucking mouth up and I won’t be hearing you asking me for the rest of the day.”_

Liam laughed and hugged Noel’s head to which the older pushed him.

_“Stop it, man.”_

Once they arrived home, Liam rushed into where his mother and his older brother were watching television.

 _“Bow down to the greatest musician will ever be, and the best songwriter behind him,”_ the youngest Gallagher shouted from the living room. Noel followed him then closing the door.

 _“Shut up, Liam,”_ Paul calmly commented.

 _“Eat your dinner, you two, and don’t step on the kitchen floor with your shoes on, I just mopped it,”_ Peggy pushed Liam away.

 _“Sorry, Mam, thought he would grow up when I left him,”_ Noel dragged the teen brother to the kitchen.

_“Don’t step on the floor with your shoes on!”_

_“So tell me,”_ Liam started, after having a bowl of asparagus soup in his hand. _“How many songs have you written?”_

Noel shook his head, taking a seat next to Liam with his own soup. _“I’m not telling.”_

 _“Oh, come on,”_ Liam scooped his soup. _“I need to fucking get ready.”_

_“We’ll see when it’s time to practice.”_

_“You twat,”_ the younger finished his dinner then getting up. _“I’ll be in the room you’d better be there too.”_

Noel only rolled his eyes. He never had a picture of this version of Liam before. Liam had always been the first person to yell “SHUT UP” when he started strumming his guitar in the room. He didn’t appreciate music at all, that was Liam for what Noel ever knew. One year of leaving the house for an international tour with Inspiral Carpet and he turned into a mad (not yet) musician. The story about him getting hit with a hammer in the high school started making sense for Noel since he must have had lost his sanity in his head.

When Noel opened the door Liam was already lying on the bed, assumedly sleeping. _“Well, that was fast.”_ He then took a seat on the edge of the bed then grabbing his guitar.

 _“Come on and play!”_ there were arms wrapping around Noel’s waist.

 _“Jesus Christ! Stop doing that, you cunt!”_ Noel almost hit his brother with the guitar. He wished he did, though.

_“Play the songs that you wrote.”_

_“I’m not fucking playing any songs if you keep doing that, for fuck’s sake,”_ Noel jumped off the bed, staying on the corner of the room.

Liam laughed. _“I called Bonehead and the mates. We’ll have a practice tomorrow so fucking stay here, will ya?”_

_“Who are you telling me what to do?”_

He didn’t reply, only lying his back on the bed. _“I’m fucking sleepy, man.”_

Noel only shrugged and two minutes later Liam already snored softly. The older then moved to the wall where it faced directly to the bed. He started to hum,

_“It’s a bit early day in the midnight hour for me, to think of all the things that I want to be,”_

He stopped only to see Liam changed his position. Now the younger was facing him, still with eyes closed. Noel saw peace in his face, not only the peace that his mouth was also closed so he could literally shut his mouth, but also there was peace like he was sleeping peacefully. And Noel wasn’t sure what it was but Liam looked more beautiful when he was sleeping. It was like seeing the world peace.

An invisible slap snapped him back to reality. _“World peace, my ass.”_

_“Fucking idiot.”_

“Fucking idiot,” Noel looked down to the unconscious patient on the bed. He still hadn’t shown any good sign since Noel started reminiscing through the photos. “Yeah, that’s you. Why did you want to end this? I thought you were the greatest musician will ever be, you haven’t even kicked off.”

Noel flipped more photos in his hand. Those were the photos during Oasis times and they all were placed in a timeline.

“Boardwalk gig with the rubbish song Take Me, 1991. I don’t remember this picture even existed. Who took this, by the way?”

“Stupid band practice in Boardwalk basement, 1992. This is probably the birth year of Oasis, first formation. Hallelujah.”

“Meeting McGee from the gig in Glasgow, 1993. Fucking nice mate. This is basically when good shite started.”

“Supersonic first gig, 1994.”

“Definitely Maybe first release, 1994. This was supposed to be my fucking first solo album because I left once, remember?”

“Some random photoshoots for What’s The Story Morning Glory, 1995. This is the making of Wonderwall music video. Look at them ugly smiles of yours.”

“Fucking Knebworth, 1996. One of the best gigs. Maine Road too.”

“This is fucking D’You Know What I Mean? set, 1997. The helicopters were fucking amazing I fancy own one or two.”

“Fuck,” the photos were falling off as Noel accidentally took too many photos in his hand. He then collected the photos on the floor before randomly picking one of them. It turned out to be a studio where Oasis practised twice. It stopped him for a few seconds as Noel tried to recall which studio this was.

“Oh, fuck, this is a cosy lovely studio. I love recording here because this place is where Freddie Mercury fucking wrote Bohemian Rhapsody so I personally felt more motivated,” Noel started. “People only know about the fucking famous Gallagher fight in this studio in the 1996ish. But when we got back again here after Be Here Now, little did they know that I have some memorable moments in this place and there’s an interesting story behind it. Do you wanna hear? I think you still remember a tiny piece of it but you haven’t heard from my perspective.”

Noel cleared his throat. “Well, silence means yes, so–” he sat more comfortably.

“Ridge Farm Studio, 2000.”


	5. Stop Crying Your Heart Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: suicide attempt.

_Surrey, South East England, 2000._

Noel took a gulp of his cola, walking down the large field heading to a small house he currently spent the time most. His mind didn’t stop thinking of the next verse he had been writing for the last five years. It all started when he randomly found a good line but he didn’t know what to write next. And finding an on-going unfinished song made him want to quickly finish it.

He pushed the door open while humming the song Don’t Look Back In Anger. Placing the can on the table, Noel grabbed his pen and a pair of papers then writing again the first line.

“Who kicked a hole in the sky so the heaven would cry over me,” he read the line three times. “This is a fucking beautiful line that needs to be continued.”

When the room started getting quiet as Noel’s head started thinking harder, a sniffle was heard. Noel quickly got his sense back to realize that he wasn’t in the room alone. He looked around then getting up, noticing there was someone behind the drum set.

“Liam?” the picture of Liam’s hand was shown and Noel could tell it.

He hesitantly walked closer, bending down to see Liam sitting against the wall, looking like a fucking mess. His long hair covered half of his face, his reddened face looked swollen and there were lots of cigarettes on the floor. Empty bottles were also there.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Liam?” the first thing Noel did was checking if he was still alive. “I thought you were going home.”

Liam didn’t reply, still sniffling softly.

“Fuck, how long have you been here?” Noel swiped his brother’s messy hair so he could see his cold sweaty face completely. And it was obvious that he was just done crying.

And that was also the first time Noel ever saw Liam in this form, very sad that he cried like a bitch. It made his heart sank since the last time they talked Liam said he was going home to see their mother, saying that he missed her. He wanted to meet and tell their Mam about his marriage with Patsy that would collapse anytime soon, and how Patsy threatened him not to stay any closer with their son Lennon for quite some time.

It was a complete mess, that was what Noel knew. A week ago his brother and his sister-in-law were still good, bringing baby Lennon everywhere to show off. But only three nights ago Liam told him that Patsy wanted a divorce. Many things happened and Liam hadn’t told him the whole story about that, Noel could only assume.

He supposed what happened.

“How long have you been here?” Noel repeated, staring into his blank eyes deeply.

“I don’t know, a day,” Liam finally answered with his low and depressing voice.

“You know what, I’ll call the ambulance, you don’t look okay.”

“No, stay here,” the younger was about to grab Noel’s sleeve but failed. It seemed like he lost half of his stamina. “Just stay here, man.”

Noel sat down next to him. “Just tell me anything if you want something.”

“No, just stay here with me.”

“Okay.”

There was a silence, quite long.

“I’m glad I’m caught,” Liam said after a solid three minutes of dead silence. “I was planning to hang myself here,” now he sounded like he was about to cry, showing up an old rope he had been hiding behind his back.

That made Noel frozen, his eyes got bigger seeing the rope. He couldn’t believe what he just heard and saw. Liam Gallagher, his brother, was about to what? Did he really say that?

He even lost words for it, his hands suddenly got sweaty and colder and his heart started beating uncontrollably. A sudden stomachache attacked him.

“Oh my God, Liam, no,” Noel was too speechless to say anything so he could only pull the younger closer in his hug while snatching the rope off him to throw it away. “Don’t ever fucking do that. You– this is not the end of everything,” now it was him that sounded about to cry.

Liam was too weak to move so he could only bury his face on Noel’s shoulder, sniffling again.

“I understand what you’ve been through but please don’t do that,” Noel whispered, patting Liam’s back repeatedly. He smelled like cigarettes and tears and that made him almost tear up. “I’m with you, okay? Please don’t do stupid things. The world will never be ready to lose a Rockstar.”

Another silence and Noel’s hug got more tightly. He tried to radiate the positivity through the hug.

“Thanks, Noel,” was all Liam ever said. And it sounded so pure and soft that Noel couldn’t tell if it was the same person with the one on the stage. He sounded so fragile that Noel wanted to protect with all costs, just like the little Liam he used to keep company.

“Do you wanna get some food? When was the last time you ate?” Noel pulled his hug an inch away.

Liam shook his head, “I’m fine.”

“You are definitely not, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Just stay here with me, Noel,” Liam pulled away, looking into his brother’s eyes for a while. At one second Noel felt like the pain Liam suffered was transferred through the eye contacts. He then lied on the floor. “Just stay here and play any song, will ya?”

Noel let him lie before getting up to throw the rope off the window. He still couldn’t think straight of what just happened, his mind couldn’t imagine what the heck would have happened if he didn’t decide to go to the studio that day. It got him shivered all over his body. He shook his head trying to cleanse his mind and to focus on what was more important; that Liam needed a companion and he was that friend he needed. After trying to calm himself for a few seconds, he went to take his guitar and got back sitting next to his brother.

He felt much better seeing Liam already lying with eyes closed. Again, Liam looked so peaceful when sleeping and Noel liked seeing him like that.

“You’re right,” Liam, half asleep, said, making Noel a bit surprised. “I’m a fucking Rockstar. The world still needs me and will always do. I’m not gonna die, I’ll live forever,” he exhaled. “T’was impulsive because I got down and shite but everyone gets sad, don’t they, Noel?”

“Yeah, Liam,” Noel nodded, placing his chin on the side of his guitar. He stared deeply into his brother even though Liam still had his eyes closed tight. “I do get sad too at times.”

“I feel that now. But I’ll be okay again and we’ll be rocking in front of a sea of people, man.”

“O’course,” Noel smiled. He wanted to caress his younger brother’s hair and say that everything would be fine and he would be there for him but realizing that Liam might not appreciate that as he was sleeping, he stopped himself.

Once Liam started drifting to sleep, Noel got his piece of paper where he wrote the first line. He looked up at his brother again.

“Hey, Liam.”

No answer, either he was already sleeping or was too tired to reply.

“I had many unfinished lyrics and one of them is about you,” Noel continued, chuckling a little, “I said unfinished lyrics because it was literally only one fucking line. It goes like this, ‘may all your dreaming fill the empty sky’. Yes, that’s fucking it, no rhythm yet.”

He wrote down that line on the paper. “I remember about eight or nine years ago when we first formed Oasis and you just couldn’t stop shutting your big mouth up in the house about becoming a Rockstar. Well, I could say that you were just one of a thousand dreamers out there but you really made it, up to this day. So that time I planned on finishing this song for our first album so you would notice that I made this for you just so you could get motivated and I hoped that this wasn’t your temporary interest. And yeah, continuing the band with Oasis.”

Liam started snoring softly, convincing Noel that he was already deep sleeping.

“But I never finished it. Not only because I couldn’t arrange good lyrics but also because the only title that came up in my mind sounded bloody weird,” Noel chuckled in the end.

“It’s fucking ‘It’s A Crime’,” he added, laughing. “Yes, I know, fucking weird, I mean, what crime? What’s the crime? Is me writing a song for you a crime? Or is it more than just writing a song for you? I’m not sure, mate, I’m confused myself. But that title sounds right and wrong at the same time and I still don’t know why,” Noel shook his head. “So, yeah, that’s the unfinished song, It’s A Crime, that I never finished. But now I think I kind of got an idea to continue writing.”

Noel played the notes on the guitar again. Every five minutes he would stop and write down more lines so he could pick the ones that fit the notes.

Two hours of letting his brain work, still with Liam sleeping in front of him, Noel finally made one verse. He started to sing with the notes,

“Come on, Baby Blue,

Shake up your tired eyes, the world is waiting for you,

May all your dreaming fill the empty sky,

But if it makes you happy, keep on clapping, just remember I’ll be by your side,

And if you don’t let go, it’s gonna pass you by.”

A satisfied smile plastered on his face as if he just won an Oscar, maybe this was much better than just winning an Oscar. There was like something goodly relieving that Noel just achieved and he had never felt this way before. It was like he just let go of the burdening things that had been staying on his shoulders.

Three times playing the verse that he just finished, Liam slowly opened his eyes, getting all his sense back together before turning his head around. He found Noel’s presence with a guitar, he was smiling.

“Since when are you here?” his normal voice was back.

“What?” Noel lifted his eyebrows. “You don’t remember I fucking hugged you for hours?”

Liam stopped his track for a while before sitting up. “Oh, yeah, depressing thing,” he massaged his forehead. “What are you doing?”

“I’m writing a song.”

“Real cool,” Liam nodded, “what song is that about?”

Noel wasn’t sure if Liam really asked the question but a part of him hoped he really did. “I already told you when you were sleeping.”

“First of all, Noel, you shouldn’t talk to people when they’re unconscious, that’s the main rule of interacting with people,” Liam kept massaging his forehead. “O’God, my head hurts.”

“Yes, you’re right,” the older smiled, feeling rather relieved that Liam still had no idea about the nonsense he talked. He planned on keeping it for himself from that on.

“Anyway, finish your masterpiece and tell me when you’re done so we can fucking rock again, y’know I mean,” Liam got up, stretching his body a little. “I’m fucking hungry, man, are you not?”

“Nope, I’m good. Oh, also, I think I’ll take a short part of this song to sing if you’re fine with that.”

“Yeah, sure, do what you wanna do, man,” Liam placed his hands on his waist, nodding. “I’ll get me some food,” he headed to the door.

“Hey, Liam.”

Liam stopped, turning his head back. “Yeah?”

For some unknown weird reason, Noel’s heart started beating faster than it should again. His throat suddenly felt heavy as if there was something holding it.

“You’re game, right?” he pulled the corner of his lips to form a genuine smile he could ever make. “You feel brilliant again?”

Liam nodded, sending back the genuine smile of his own. “Absofuckinglutely.”

“Great.”

Liam opened the door, “hey, Noel,” the older looked up with lifted eyebrows. “That’s just for me and you to know, okay?” Liam pulled the corner of his lips to form a smile, Noel nodded firmly. “Thank you very much, boyo, love you, man.” He then closed the door.

And for the first time in ever, Noel felt like the gate of heaven just sang a heavenly beautiful song for him. It felt weird and ridiculous but Noel liked this kind of combination this time. He just couldn’t put what he wanted to say into words but he clearly felt that. And it made him smile like an idiot for a few minutes before grabbing the paper again,

“Y’know what, Liam, I knew it. Fuck the It’s A Crime thing, it’s not a crime, it never is,” he wrote the words ‘It’s A Crime’ then crossing it. “I don’t know and I don’t care about what I felt– or what I feel about you. I just want this to turn out good so we can play this song together. I wanna do what I want and that’s fucking fine. Nothing can fucking stop me,” there was a smile planted on his face. “If it’s called Love then let it be, if it’s called Fuck then let it be, if it’s called Cunt then let it be, who cares about the title anyway? Champagne Supernova is a fucking crappy tosh but people still sing to it, right?” he chuckled. “Afterall this is our song, brother. No laws work for us.”

He ended up writing the new title; Let There Be Love.

“It’ll be fucking great, won’t it, Liam?”

“Hope you notice that this is for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LG'S THE RIVER IS FCKIN BRILLIANT THO ITS SHOCKWAVE > THE RIVER FOR ME


	6. Don't Go Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updating this chapter before I'm going mia for 45 days with limited internet access

“Fuck, fuck,” Noel quickly wiped the uncalled tear that fell, shaking his head trying to shake the emotional feeling away. “Now I think what happened twenty years ago fucking happened again today. If this is really the case I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

Noel blinked a few times hoping the tears would disappear. “I guess it wouldn’t be easy for me to say the same thing I said to you in the studio again. Things happened absolutely rough between us, I lost counts on how many times we were almost good again but it failed eventually. I wonder why we never made it? Was it me or was it you or was it both of us?”

Noel sighed loudly, shaking his head again. “I don’t know if this is what Paul meant and I don’t know if this is what you wanted me to do. But since I’m here already tearing up like a fucking baby, which you probably wanted to have a laugh at, I’ll just go. I’ll just say what I wanna fucking say. After all I’m fucking alone and nobody will know what the fuck I’m saying.”

He looked up. “I never sang that song again on my own. I think you also noticed that the song was one of the fucking underrated songs, well that’s what people think. People apparently don’t try to analyze what the song was meant, unlike what they did to Acquiesce. We didn’t do many live performances for Let There Be Love. After Oasis disbanded, I also don’t play the song on my own,” Noel let out a sigh. “Not only because you took parts in the song and nobody could sing it but also because I can no longer sing without picturing your fucking face in my mind. I’m still doing it right now.”

 _“This is your part, and my part is the second verse,”_ Noel and Liam were sitting on a couch in the studio with Liam reading a piece of paper his brother just gave. _“I’ll play the acoustic and the song will go like this.”_

 _“This is the same song you wrote when I was sleeping over there?”_ Liam kept reading without looking up.

 _“Yeah,”_ Noel nodded, strumming his guitar then singing the first line of the song. Liam tapped his foot in sync.

 _“Are we gonna record this in acoustic? No heavy drums?”_ Liam asked again after Noel finished singing.

_“Yeah, what do you think?”_

_“I think that’s fine,”_ Liam nodded. _“Okay, but, which bird is this?”_

 _“What?”_ Noel looked up, hearing the weird question.

 _“Come on, Baby Blue, shake up your tired eyes, the world is waiting for you,”_ Liam read the second verse. _“You met a bird with baby blue eyes or summat?”_

Noel stopped his track for a while, feeling his heart almost fell. _“That’s not about a bird I met.”_

Liam looked quizzically interested. _“A bloke?!”_

 _“What? No!”_ Noel scoffed. _“What do you think that’s all about?”_

 _“I don’t know, man, you met a baby blue-eyed bird,”_ Liam shrugged, taking a glance over him. _“Or maybe a bloke, I don’t know. And then you fucking felt like heaven was blessing you because you met them or anything joyful happened to you.”_

Noel chuckled, hearing his brother interpreted the song was rather funny for him. _“Well, you can always have your own meaning for every song. As long as people listen and sing to it you’re doing good at writing.”_

Liam nodded firmly. _“You should give bits of your talent for me, brother,”_ Liam walked out to the door. _“Oh, if you’re into blokes and meet any, I’d better be the first person to know. No bad blokes touching my bro.”_

 _“What? Stop being ridiculous,”_ Noel shook his head, trying so hard to hide the emotions he had at this moment. What his brother said sounded absurd but relieving at the same time. _“Wait, where are you going?”_

 _“Think Alan got lost in which building this is, I’m gonna go and check for a while,”_ Liam opened the door then closing it.

_“Fucking cunt.”_

“Fucking cunt,” Noel repeated what the younger him said in his mind. “I fucking wrote a song for you to cheer you up and you thought that was for another bloke? Are you fucking out of your mind?”

He lied his back against the chair more comfortably. “The next day after Oasis split, I was fucking confused. I had no idea what to do in my life. The only strength that backs me up that time was Anais. Sara was there too but I think I completely got the strength from Anais. Oh, speaking of her, that girl at times told me about things you were fucking doing but I never listened to her once she started speaking. Maybe you could meet her once but don’t touch her you maturely threatened her through text last year,” Noel scoffed sarcastically, “oh, also my other sons. You never met them but they knew you existed, they fucking googled it to find out,” Noel chuckled a little. “Fucking kids. Now they know they have an uncle and other cousins. The older one Donovan wanted to meet his cousins, maybe because he’s always wanted to have a big brother kind of figure.”

He stopped again after picturing his sons innocently showed him what they found on Google one day. It literally said; ‘who are Noel Gallagher’s other brothers?’ and Noel only laughed that time. “Anyway, about Oasis split up, I was fucking lost. I received many threats from the fans, claiming that I was the one betraying the band and I ruined everyone’s careers. Well, I think I did, at some points, but I don’t know, I felt like I was the one fucking getting betrayed. Or maybe we all betrayed the band in our own different ways.”

“It took me weeks to fully recover from all the shite. I got back to the studio, playing some old Oasis songs because those are what I had at that time. I was most of the times with Anais.”

 _“Daddy, can I come in?”_ the 9-year-old Anais Gallagher peeked in from the door. It was Noel’s personal space to write that he called Personal Studio.

The father turned his head with a smile. _“Come here, sweetheart.”_

The blonde girl smiled, rushing in to jump on her father’s lap. _“What are you doing, Daddy?”_

 _“Daddy’s making music,”_ Noel kissed the top of her head which smelled like strawberry. _“What were you doing?”_ He wrapped his arms around her little body.

_“I was drawing, but I left them in my room.”_

_“That’s cool, what’s the drawing about?”_

_“You and me,”_ she squealed, giggling. _“And Uncle Liam and Lennon and Gene and Nana. The Gallaghers.”_

The smile on Noel’s face disappeared. _“That’s good. Keep the picture that has us and Nana.”_

Anais nodded. _“I will keep them all,”_ she grabbed the pen on the table then writing on the paper Noel used to write lyrics. _“Why did Uncle Liam never visit our house again, Daddy?”_ That was only a week after the official statement about him leaving Oasis and Anais seemed quite observant on this.

 _“Well,”_ Noel took more papers for her. _“Uncle Liam and Daddy now don’t work together again. He’s gonna have his own band and Daddy’s gonna have his.”_

_“But you had a band together with him.”_

_“Yes, but it’s gonna be different,”_ Noel tried hard not to sound sad or upset. He knew he was the only person that was close with his daughter, other than his ex-wife, so he couldn’t show any emotions to make her worried.

_“But Lennon and Gene will still visit us, right?”_

_“Uh, not sure about that, but let’s hope they still will,”_ Noel caressed his daughter’s long blonder hair. _“You missed your Mommy? We could come and visit her if you want.”_

 _“I want to visit her in the weekend,”_ Anais looked up, Noel only nodded with a smile. _“Are you and Uncle Liam now like you and Mommy?”_

_“What do you mean, darling?”_

_“You don’t work together again but you still can visit each other,”_ she herself looked confused what she asked.

Noel laughed, shaking his head. Her answer sounded adorably annoying. _“No, Daddy and Mommy were married. Daddy and Uncle Liam were never married. That’s what makes it different.”_

Anais also laughed. _“That’d be weird.”_

_“Super weird.”_

_“I’m going to bring my crayons and drawing book here, is that okay, Daddy?”_

_“Absolutely, you can also help Daddy in making music.”_

_“Yay!”_ Anais jumped off her father’s lap, running out to her room.

“Things were very hard and rough. At times I felt incredibly lonely in my room,” Noel reminisced. “Sometimes I felt like I shouldn’t have been there all to myself, I should have been with others, making music together. It was fucking feeling wrong. Even these past years, I still fucking felt that away. I mean my current band is excellent but y’know I still at times missed the old band. All those Oasis years we spent together were fucking priceless and fucked up at the same time. Fuck, that was almost going for twenty years. If we raised a kid, they would have gone to college.”

“But y’know, there’s a part of me that somewhat wanted _them_ , Oasis,” Noel linked his own fingers. “You know I’m probably the man with the biggest ego in this world to actually admit that I want Oasis back. If I couldn’t do it, maybe a little sweet reunion would do, with all the people that joined. I fucking faked that I said I would never wanna get back together. I don’t remember how many times I lied during interviews about Oasis, that I didn’t wanna be a part of it anymore. Being with you lads is the greatest best time in my life I could honestly say,” Noel’s smile slowly appeared. “Especially when it comes to you, you fat twat.”

“I mean, we both are made for each other, fuck that sounds so fucking fucked up,” Noel stopped, thinking harder to arrange words. “Look, the point is, you have the most fantastic voice and I can write a thousand songs that could only be sung with your voice. You’re the power of Oasis and I’m the supplier, good gravy, we’re fucking Lennon and McCartney. Except that you can’t be as genius as Lennon, o’course.”

Over Noel’s consciousness, he grabbed his younger’s right hand, holding it tightly. “And I personally want to sincerely apologize of the ugly stupid faults I made through the years. I know I’m a fucked up cunt, wait, no, you’re fucked up too, worse than I am. We both are in our own ways, but that’s just like, y’know, that’s what brothers do, getting fucked up on each other. And I want to say that I’m deeply sorry that you had to go through this hard time again, now by yourself, y’know I mean. I may be the annoying fucking brother you wanna stay away to but deep inside, I can’t fucking do this. Because I’ve caught you before and that’s fucking scary, you don’t know I literally got myself frozen that day. I was fucking scared to lose you and I can’t let my heart hurt seeing you like this again. I want–,” he took a long breath, closing his eyes.

 _“Noel!!”_ Paul’s long shout was heard throughout the neighbourhood when a sight of a 3-year-old Liam Gallagher was messing up with his school equipment. _“Bring Liam with you!!”_

Knowing that he was getting scolded, little Liam started crying to which annoyed Paul more. At the finest best timing, Noel appeared, panting as he was running from the backyard. Liam’s crying started to slow down when Noel presented as if he was seeing an angel that’d save him from everything cruel in the world.

 _“He’s ripped my book off, now I have to write them all again,”_ Paul collected his thing while Noel pulled little Liam in his arms.

 _“That’s okay I’ll help you write them all again, he’s only 2,”_ he didn’t quite know how old Liam was back then. Also, note that Noel hadn’t even mastered in writing that time.

 _“Where’s Mam though?”_ Paul asked. He was out all day in his friend’s house since this morning.

 _“She was collecting eggs, she will be back in no time,”_ Noel told him, wiping Liam’s track of tears on his chubby cheeks.

Right at the time, the front door was slammed, making the three Gallagher boys flinched in surprise. Paul and Noel knew whoever slammed a door like crazy was surely not the person they called Mam. And worse, it was the person they called Dad, the most hated person in the family who their Mam struggled to get away from, the alcoholic man Paul and Noel were afraid most, the abusive father who wouldn’t think twice even to physically or mentally hurt his family.

 _“Hide!”_ Paul whispered and looked around to find a way out for Noel and Liam. No matter how bad things were, the oldest brother would put his little ones first before him. He was considered as the son who spent the most time with his father more than the others. His father didn’t seem to interest in spending time with either Noel or Liam so Paul being the first kid would be willing to volunteer himself. It usually didn’t end badly though.

Noel dragged little Liam in the back of a wooden cupboard, hiding both of their small bodies against the wall. Noel placed his left hand on Liam’s mouth so that the younger wouldn’t scream or cry, his right hand he used to cover his own. Thank God little Liam kind of knew what happened so he snuggled closer to his brother, hand grasping on Noel’s sweater tightly.

After making sure that Noel and Liam were safe, Paul walked out of the room, only to be stopped by his father at the doorway.

 _“Where’s Peg?”_ his deep voice was heard, followed by a short hiccup. Noel closed his eyes tightly while pulling Liam closer to him.

 _“I- I don’t know, she was c-collecting eggs,”_ Paul answered, terrifying. His father was nothing but a big monster.

_“Where are the other kids?”_

_“Noel and Liam are playing out-outside, i-it’s only me here.”_

_“Okay, then, you’re coming with me, young bloke.”_

Noel wanted to cry so bad, he wanted to scream and kick his father’s legs very hard, he wished he was bigger and stronger so when things like this happened, he could protect his family members from another member who was supposed to protect them. The little steps were heard and disappeared with a slammed door, that time Noel pulled his hands and started crying. He knew Paul would always be home again later and tell them he was fine and there was nothing to worry about.

Liam looked up at him with his big round blue watery eyes, looking confused but still got no idea how to ask. Knowing that the younger stared at him, Noel quickly wiped his tears away before pulling the little brother tightly in his chest.

 _“It’s okay, everything’s gonna be fine. Paul will be back fine, Mam will be home sooner,”_ he whispered between his sobs. _“And I won’t let anyone hurt you, I’ll protect you with all my heart, Liam.”_

That was probably the sweetest thing a big brother could ever say to a younger, especially now that when the two could no longer be sitting together again. Liam who was only three got no idea what the hell was going on but when Noel hugged him more tightly he could be sure to himself that everything would be fine.

“I want to protect you with all my heart, Liam.”

That was the last strike for Noel Gallagher before a strong little river streamed down his cheeks. The chills in his chest went down to the spine after saying the last sentence. A little part of him he called ego slapped him with a basketball stick the way he did to Liam in one of their fights years ago, but most parts of his heart felt relieved. Now that after more than 10 years of endless fighting, he could finally feel alive as if he was reborn. The heavy burden that was weighing on his shoulders was slowly crashed down to pieces.

Noel held Liam’s hand more tightly before laying his head on the younger’s chest, now he could listen to his brother’s slow heartbeat that gradually went up faster. The soft side that he had been covering had finally been revealed. All the people in the other room were left speechless. They probably had lower expectation on Noel about this but this was way more than their expectation. For Peggy this was such a beautiful view, it was only in her dream to see her sons met again. And this was more than that. She almost fell but Paul quickly held them.

“Hate me all you want but I want them to get back,” Gene broke the silence.

“Same.”

“I’m with you.” Lennon and Molly replied almost at the same time.

Noel closed his bloated eyes, he started to have a headache because of all this extreme sudden emotion change. Now he felt so sleepy. He noticed that the machine had already been beeping for the past few seconds.

“Fuck, what the fuck do you fucking want me to do, ye fucking big tits cunt?”

As Noel started drifting to sleep, he felt the warmth around his head, slowly caressing his hair. He was too much in pain to look up so he could only picture his Mam touching him. He began thinking that he just started hallucinating. Things didn’t seem real anymore.

“Fucking liar, aren’t ya, Noel?” followed by a man’s chuckle.

Noel’s heart almost skipped a beat.


End file.
